Just a little change-

So, as you can see I've decided to start a blog. If you're reading this, thanks . So, let’s begin on this journey as I share with you what inspired me to do this “blog” thing, so brave or stupid?

I will try to make it short but don't hold me to it. I also “try” to be on time for church and appointments, that doesn't seem to happen either.

I know there's gals out there a lot like me. You may ask how I know this. Well, I'm just a normal gal, with my own quirks, that faces things life hands me just like you.

Many of you may know me & know me well, may be my friends, family or maybe a complete stranger.

I believe because we are "woman" (hear me roar) you will relate.

I went to my amazing & fun annual check up (can you hear the sarcasm). It was great. My husband went along for support, why? I turned 30 last year and yes, for all those older folks (which I really do love, with all my heart) that keep on telling me over & over & over, I do know that I'm still young, I do know that I have my whole life ahead of me, I do know how blessed I am (and the Lord has certainly blessed me) but I do know that didn't help me, I do know that I still had an awful time coping with the "big 30". I'm rolling around to "31" now and I'm still not over last year's birthday. O my, what's a girl to do! I don't like change; even good changes always put me in a fickle. I've always thought that was "me". My personality and character. Back to the annual, my sweet hubby went along for morale support, I guess. I didn't need him too. I'm a big girl; I can put my big girl panties on. He didn't give me a choice; he just came on in (now that's a good man, just saying). I wasn't depressed, I wasn't sad but things were just different with me. I felt different and I don't like giving feelings & emotions a lot of credit (personally, I think if us gals would use are common sense instead of our emotions, we'd be as happy as, having our cake and eating it too. That's another blog another day!) So, I had written a few things down on an index card to talk to the good 'ole Doc. Yes, I had to write it down because you wouldn't believe how side-track I can get! ;)

My list went like this: Over-whelmed, can't seem to get things accomplished, gets frustrated with task, stares into space- nah, (I didn't have that one but I should've-it's true), tired, tired, tired, wake up tired, go to be tired. My quite handsome man over in the chair that keeps his opinions to himself and doesn't freely give his thoughts out unless bluntly asked, all of a sudden decided to spit out a few things as well and he didn't even have a index card with notes, really.

As most of you maybe thinking, my Awesomest (yes, I can say awesomest) Doc proceeds to have a not so quaint talk me with. I was thinking  half way during this overbearing, heart beating talk, can't you just write me something on that little white note pad of yours and this can all be over with in a few... Xanax, Prozac, Zoloft, Wellbutrin, ADHD meds, maybe some Phentermine, chocolate, b-12 shots, my thyroid that's it- I need some Synthroid or maybe it's my sugar-I need some Metformin, Valium, Imitrex but for heavens sake just stoppp. As you can imagine by this time, I'm in an ugly cry, with baby like alligator tears, gasping for breathe! Really! As my hubby, who I wondered why are you even here in the first place, gently slides the twisted, sweaty, unreadable index card from my nervous shaky hands & gives me a -it's gonna be ok, baby sort of nod.

Well, I can guess ya'll are thinking what on earth did this awful doc say to you and I hope you've found a better Doc. Nope, still have the same 'ole awesomest Doc and she really hit the "nail on the head" so to speak.  I was taking off guard; actually it’s probably what threw me for a loop, with the gasping and all. Some things I've known all along and others she's put in a real prospective. Guess we could say, Hello, reality check. So in my short version (you know by now, that means absolutely nothing) here's the low down of how the "talk" went:

How old are you? We all know where that conversation went. I lied and said 23.

Man in the corner coughs, and sounds out, she's been having trouble with that the last few months.

Do you have Kids? Yes, 9 year old & almost 2 year.

Then you have stress and that just answered the question about you being tired.

Without giving you all the details and in depth question & answer time we shared together.  The conclusion was simple.

Start living and quit stressing. 

 Did you hear what I said, start living and quit stressing! She pinned me, like she's been doing this for a long time or something.

You're 30 and if you don't do something to change you'll be coming back in here to see me if 10 years because you're having a breakdown & then all I'll be able to do is give you a prescription. You can't be perfect. Go with the flow she said, my mind said, do what, ugh? Go with what…What was that? Quit worrying about the dishes, and what days you do laundry, and if there's a crumb on the floor, and making your bed perfect and doing things to impress your so called friends and freaking out because you don't have dinner ready and everyone will be hungry, and enjoy your family! And then the big one: what do you do, that you enjoy? Yep, I grew tense, yet again and began to feel those ridiculous tears whelping up, great, now they're falling like Niagara Falls, yet again. The man in the corner speaks up.

Praise the Lord he came with me!

So glad I wanted him to come along for this grand visit.

Clearly I wasn't capable of speaking at the moment.

Assuming things are winding down now, as I sit there in that wonderful paper outfit. Doc & the man in the corner are talking and I'm thinking I can communicate now like a normal civilized person with some dignity, no gasping for air involved. So, we have a good conversation about letting things go, adding things into our lives and removing some things. She shared things in her life she's also struggled with and how life changes daily around us. That’s why it’s called “LIFE”. You guessed it, one more shout out from the wise Doc. I kept it together and took a few deep breathes. Her last words: in my version of course, I'm a control freak. Not a perfectionist, as you can tell from my closet,  just a controller. I like to be in control. I've never been to an AA meeting but I'm sure our experiences are similar.

Hello- my name is Mandy and I'm a control freak. Bottom line- trying to be in control all the times makes you- CRAZY!

It wasn’t the best visit but I should say it’s had the best out come.

It's not easy changing but making changes to change your life for the better and those that live with you; it’s worth the hard work.  Side-note: The rest of the day was filled with food, coffee & Mani Pedi & more food!

So, why am I starting this blog?  Share, live, have fun, write goofy stuff because I can & the list goes on and on.

Funny story, my pap come back and needed more cells. So, I had to go back 2 1/2 weeks later for a redo! All I could do was laugh. As soon as the wise "ole Doc walks in she said, so, how are you? She didn't even let me answer and said you're doing really well, I can tell. You look so much more relaxed and happier! Well, Hallelujah because I'm sure I would've just nodded and said great or begged for a prescription if it went anything like the last visit!

From this wake up moment, I’ve realized that I have a great type A personality and so many qualities but because of everyday life and trying to be the person I think I should be, I’ve allowed those great characteristics to take advantage of me and push back all the other great things I’m capable of.  

My floors are dirty and the white clothes are piled up on my bed.

Going to the park and having a picnic.